The Ballad of A TV Pitchman: Part I

Billy Mays likes to yell
He begs you just to try his crap
His soul must be an empty shell
You’d buy it if he’d shut his trap
Billy Mays, your voice is loud
You sell the fucking Awesome Aug!!
Of this profession, you can’t be proud
Listen to you? I’ll just eat a frog
Billy Mays you noisy motherfucker
This bedazzler is worthless [...]

Ed Cullen: My Poem of Dissent

Edward cullen is a pedophile
A vampire blessed with dashing
Good looks, quite a bit of guile
And a fang-toothed grin for the flashing
 
He may look innocent although I admit
He is rather gaunt and might have scurvy
But over this, don’t throw a fit
He’s actually rather pervy
 
His age advanced, of this, no lie,
He voted Hoover for President!
He shall [...]

Chuck Norris: A Haiku

To live, or to die,
The choice belongs to walker,
The Texas Ranger.

A poem about Love, Loss and Redemption.

I once loved dearly a sheep,
now some might think me a creep,
but of joy, my heart was full,
when ‘ere I stroked her wool.
But tragedy soon did strike,
for she found a new shepard to like.
My spirits were lifted quite swiftly
when I met a goat.

The Rubberband Incident, Part II: Julian’s Story

Julian’s Side of the Story
By Julian
My name is Julian not “Julie”, I am a man and Mr. Perry is a couple lifeboats short of a royal navy. Ok here is what really happened.  I was on my way to get my boss, Stephen Perry, out of jail as he had been arrested last month at [...]

The Rubber Band Incident, Part I: Stephen’s Story

STEPHEN PERRY
BY STEPHEN PERRY
Wherein My inconceivable, unparalleled and imperceptible jenius performs yet another act of super-human brilliance!!
 
So there I was, I had just read this new poem about a bird by a poet named Edgar Allen something that was in the Jan. 29 New York Evening Mirror. And now I was just lounging around in [...]

Thanksgiving Sarcasm: A Haiku, A Fragment

I give much thanks for
The brutal treatment of the
Indian peoples

Edward Cullen is a Pedophile: The Twilight of American Literature

What is wrong with our society when our youth will use cliff notes for “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” but not a single one of them can resist reading a book about a vampire who falls in love with a teenager. Wow. Was Buffy really that long ago?
They are calling this the new Harry Potter. [...]