Glenn Beck belongs in Arkham Asylum.

“God stalked me!…He had a giant baptismal rifle. I thwarted him. I led people astray as much as I could, but he kept putting Mormons in my way.”
These are not the words of a man who has it all together up top. These are the words of a deranged media whore, a egotistical, desperate man [...]

The Ballad of A TV Pitchman: Part I

Billy Mays likes to yell
He begs you just to try his crap
His soul must be an empty shell
You’d buy it if he’d shut his trap
Billy Mays, your voice is loud
You sell the fucking Awesome Aug!!
Of this profession, you can’t be proud
Listen to you? I’ll just eat a frog
Billy Mays you noisy motherfucker
This bedazzler is worthless [...]

BREAKING NEWS: Bengal accuses Sea World of seeking WMDs

New York – NATO President George W. Bengal announced in his annual address that the TIA had discovered evidence that Sea World CEO James K. Flipper had sought yellow cake uranium and is still actively researching the technology used to spawn whales of mass destruction.
There has been no official response from either Mr. Flipper or [...]

Tigers, Dolphins go to War.

Paris – Tiger leaders met today in an emergency council of the North African Tiger Alliance. The longstanding feud between NATO and the United Confederacy of Dolphin Nations, which has been at full boil in the aftermath of the Attacks on the NATO headquarters in Geneva.
The meeting was called by the prominent Tiger-American diplomat, Ret. [...]

A poem about Love, Loss and Redemption.

I once loved dearly a sheep,
now some might think me a creep,
but of joy, my heart was full,
when ‘ere I stroked her wool.
But tragedy soon did strike,
for she found a new shepard to like.
My spirits were lifted quite swiftly
when I met a goat.

The Rubberband Incident, Part II: Julian’s Story

Julian’s Side of the Story
By Julian
My name is Julian not “Julie”, I am a man and Mr. Perry is a couple lifeboats short of a royal navy. Ok here is what really happened.  I was on my way to get my boss, Stephen Perry, out of jail as he had been arrested last month at [...]

The Rubber Band Incident, Part I: Stephen’s Story

STEPHEN PERRY
BY STEPHEN PERRY
Wherein My inconceivable, unparalleled and imperceptible jenius performs yet another act of super-human brilliance!!
 
So there I was, I had just read this new poem about a bird by a poet named Edgar Allen something that was in the Jan. 29 New York Evening Mirror. And now I was just lounging around in [...]

Flip-Flop: The “Liberal” Media and Conservative Hypocrisy

All throughout the campaign, Barack Obama never stopped playing defense on the issue of experience. According to the McCain campaign, Obama lacked the experience, he hadn’t been tested, he was nothing more than a celebrity, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Now that he has been elected by a sweeping electoral majority, he is being tarred and feathered [...]

Edward Cullen is a Pedophile: The Twilight of American Literature

What is wrong with our society when our youth will use cliff notes for “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” but not a single one of them can resist reading a book about a vampire who falls in love with a teenager. Wow. Was Buffy really that long ago?
They are calling this the new Harry Potter. [...]

Penguins

A poem
 
Penguins are usually black and white
They often live at the South Pole
There are few who know their plight
But, of misery, their life is full
~*~*~
Penguins do not walk but waddle
They have wings but cannot fly
They never see a ship in a bottle
Global warming will make them die
~*~*~
Polar bears have got it sweet
They have lots of [...]