The Ballad of A TV Pitchman: Part I

Billy Mays likes to yell
He begs you just to try his crap
His soul must be an empty shell
You’d buy it if he’d shut his trap
Billy Mays, your voice is loud
You sell the fucking Awesome Aug!!
Of this profession, you can’t be proud
Listen to you? I’ll just eat a frog
Billy Mays you noisy motherfucker
This bedazzler is worthless [...]

Ed Cullen: My Poem of Dissent

Edward cullen is a pedophile
A vampire blessed with dashing
Good looks, quite a bit of guile
And a fang-toothed grin for the flashing
 
He may look innocent although I admit
He is rather gaunt and might have scurvy
But over this, don’t throw a fit
He’s actually rather pervy
 
His age advanced, of this, no lie,
He voted Hoover for President!
He shall [...]

Chuck Norris: A Haiku

To live, or to die,
The choice belongs to walker,
The Texas Ranger.

A poem about Love, Loss and Redemption.

I once loved dearly a sheep,
now some might think me a creep,
but of joy, my heart was full,
when ‘ere I stroked her wool.
But tragedy soon did strike,
for she found a new shepard to like.
My spirits were lifted quite swiftly
when I met a goat.

Thanksgiving Sarcasm: A Haiku, A Fragment

I give much thanks for
The brutal treatment of the
Indian peoples

Penguins

A poem
 
Penguins are usually black and white
They often live at the South Pole
There are few who know their plight
But, of misery, their life is full
~*~*~
Penguins do not walk but waddle
They have wings but cannot fly
They never see a ship in a bottle
Global warming will make them die
~*~*~
Polar bears have got it sweet
They have lots of [...]