This blog has moved!!!

http://thetheblog.wordpress.com/
same blog, more cooler URL.

Dear Girls, I’m sorry your boyfriend is a douche bag. Sincerely, Nice Guys

Dear Girls,
I’m sorry that your boyfriend is a douche bag.
I’m sorry that he kept checking out that skank with the cleavage at the party last night. I was there and I thought you were radiant; I could hardly take my eyes off of you.
I’m sorry that your boyfriend gets jealous whenever I text you while [...]

Glenn Beck belongs in Arkham Asylum.

“God stalked me!…He had a giant baptismal rifle. I thwarted him. I led people astray as much as I could, but he kept putting Mormons in my way.”
These are not the words of a man who has it all together up top. These are the words of a deranged media whore, a egotistical, desperate man [...]

BREAKING NEWS: Bengal accuses Sea World of seeking WMDs

New York – NATO President George W. Bengal announced in his annual address that the TIA had discovered evidence that Sea World CEO James K. Flipper had sought yellow cake uranium and is still actively researching the technology used to spawn whales of mass destruction.
There has been no official response from either Mr. Flipper or [...]

My “Feedback” for Facebook.

Okay, I know you folks were probably expecting to get a lot of flack for changing the format and I’m sure this is probably just adding to the white noise that is the result of people’s reluctance to change their ways but I really feel that I must say something.
This new Facebook is okay. I [...]

BREAKING NEWS: Dolphin attack in Lisbon.

Paris – A terrorist sleeper cell based in Spain detonated a car bomb outside the Tiger Complex of The Lisbon Zoo. The blast occurred earlier today around noon and authorities are still sorting through the aftermath but estimates put the death toll at around 70 civilian tigers and 12 NATO soldiers.
Many Dolphin terrorist organizations have [...]

Tigers, Dolphins go to War.

Paris – Tiger leaders met today in an emergency council of the North African Tiger Alliance. The longstanding feud between NATO and the United Confederacy of Dolphin Nations, which has been at full boil in the aftermath of the Attacks on the NATO headquarters in Geneva.
The meeting was called by the prominent Tiger-American diplomat, Ret. [...]

Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town

My editoral for this past issue of our school paper.
It is no big secret that my dad bears a striking resemblance Santa, so you can imagine that starting around august it is next to impossible to go to a restaurant or the mall without having half a dozen kids stare, eyes glazed over, and eventually [...]

Governor Blagojevich: When You Give A Mouse A Cookie… Don’t Give Him The Fucking Cookie.

Wow. What can I say. When you vote for a guy that looks like the leader of a Hobbit crime family you have to be prepared for the consequences.
 
As I see things unfold, I have mixed feelings about this whole upheaval. First off, you have to admire the balls on this guy. I mean, here [...]

Why Hillary Clinton Worries Me

I am a Democrat, a Biden caucus-goer, and an Obama supporter. I admire Hillary and feel she is a respectable and accomplished politician who can best serve her goals and the needs of her followers by remaining in the senate and using her advocacy skills on a great range of issues.
1. Her single-minded independent, while [...]