The Ballad of A TV Pitchman: Part I

Billy Mays likes to yell
He begs you just to try his crap
His soul must be an empty shell
You’d buy it if he’d shut his trap
Billy Mays, your voice is loud
You sell the fucking Awesome Aug!!
Of this profession, you can’t be proud
Listen to you? I’ll just eat a frog
Billy Mays you noisy motherfucker
This bedazzler is worthless [...]

BREAKING NEWS: Bengal accuses Sea World of seeking WMDs

New York – NATO President George W. Bengal announced in his annual address that the TIA had discovered evidence that Sea World CEO James K. Flipper had sought yellow cake uranium and is still actively researching the technology used to spawn whales of mass destruction.
There has been no official response from either Mr. Flipper or [...]

My “Feedback” for Facebook.

Okay, I know you folks were probably expecting to get a lot of flack for changing the format and I’m sure this is probably just adding to the white noise that is the result of people’s reluctance to change their ways but I really feel that I must say something.
This new Facebook is okay. I [...]

BREAKING NEWS: Dolphin attack in Lisbon.

Paris – A terrorist sleeper cell based in Spain detonated a car bomb outside the Tiger Complex of The Lisbon Zoo. The blast occurred earlier today around noon and authorities are still sorting through the aftermath but estimates put the death toll at around 70 civilian tigers and 12 NATO soldiers.
Many Dolphin terrorist organizations have [...]

Tigers, Dolphins go to War.

Paris – Tiger leaders met today in an emergency council of the North African Tiger Alliance. The longstanding feud between NATO and the United Confederacy of Dolphin Nations, which has been at full boil in the aftermath of the Attacks on the NATO headquarters in Geneva.
The meeting was called by the prominent Tiger-American diplomat, Ret. [...]