Chapter 3
Fundraising.
Izzy and Billy caught a plane back to California to meet with one of Izzy’s greatest fundraisers, Dr. Thomas J. Foolery M.D., head of the Cannabis Research Center, and owner of “The Spliff Skiff”, an aptly-named cruise ship that caters to Willie Nelson fans. When they landed, they drove to a large beachside bohemian mansion where they were taken to a spacious sunroom furnished almost entirely with hemp-made products.
“So who is this guy again?” asked Billy.
“He’s a man of the people, a champion of the underdog, a leader among men,” he said, then paused to reconsider his statements, “he’s a fucked up millionaire drug addict.”
“Fantastic,” said Billy.
At that the beaded curtain to their left parted and a hairy man with long blond dreadlocks and a braided beard wearing only a very immodest silk robe, a pair of flowery hemp sandals, and some very cheap Mickey Mouse sunglasses.
“Izzzzzzyyyyyy!!” shouted the man who was clearly inebriated, as he ran over to embrace him. He then tripped and fell into Izzy’s open arms.
Izzy helped him helped him to his feet and asked “How you been, Tom?”
Tom straightened up, brushed some crumbs out of his beard, and sneezed on Billy’s shoulder leaving a mess of mucus and cocaine all over Billy’s new shirt. “Same old, same old,” came Tom’s slurred reply. He then plopped down on a beanbag chair letting his robe fall open into the most inopportune of configurations.
“Well, what the fuck do you want,” he said to Billy, having grown angry and bored very quickly.
“Billy, quit being fuckin’ rude,” said Izzy.
“I can see his pe-,” said Billy, who had been trying not to stare at the man with utter disgust.
“We want to talk about campaign contribution, now I have know you for a very long time but I was really surprised at how little help I received from your organization this past election cycle.”
“Election?” mumbled Tom as he lit a joint and inhaled deeply.
“I think that with your help, in the next election we can not only expand our congressional delegation, but we also have a very, very good chance of picking up the senate,” said Izzy, “we’ve already started a very aggressive candidate recruitment organization and if our funding comes through we should be able to have a field operation up and running in six months.”
“Here is our election plan and financial projections,” said Billy, handing Tom a packet of papers and spreadsheets.
Tom, in his drug induced stupor, stared at the paper, trying in vain to decipher the mixed jumble of shapes on the paper.
“Looks good to me,” he said. He then pulled out a small mirror, a plastic bag and a razor blade, and began making lines. He shoved mirror towards Billy, saying, “Ladies first.”
“No, I don’t think so, I don’t do drugs,” said Billy.
“Hey kid, I ain’t askin’,” said Tom.
“Okay,” said Billy nervously. Billy took the mirror and awkwardly tried to snort a line. The results were unfortunate and Billy sneezed, spraying the coke all over the table, the floor, and his two companions.
“God damn it!” shouted tom, “what the fuck is wrong with you?!” he asked as he redid the lines and passed it to Izzy. “Show the kid how it’s done.”
Izzy did a line and gave it back to Tom, who then snorted the other two and made two more and split them with Izzy.
“let that be a lesson to ya’ kid, don’t be a fuckin’ retard,” and with that tom passed out.
As Billy and Izzy made their way out, Billy turned to Izzy and asked, “what the hell kind of political meeting was that?!”
“That man, if you can call him that, for all his flaws has been very generous to the Third Coalition here in California. He helped Matt Gonzales get elected governor and without his PAC I wouldn’t have been able to hire a single paid staffer in my first election,” said Izzy.
“He actually runs a PAC?”
“The man probably couldn’t spell PAC now but in his good days he founded MARY JANE’S List. He helped legalize medicinal marijuana in 7 states, he was a hero.”
“What happened to him?”
“He got old and preachy and started running for president, nearly lost it for Obama in 2012. Then, 4 years ago he was a spoiler in Florida and cost Warner the election. If it weren’t for him, I doubt Palin would’ve won.”
“Wow.”
